Paraskavedekatriaphobia

Yes, the fear of FRIDAY THE 13TH! According to John Roach ("Friday the 13th Phobia Rooted in Ancient History", National Geographic News, August 12, 2004), "It's been estimated that $800 or $900 million is lost in business on this day" in the United States. Luckily, there is only one FRIDAY THE 13TH this year, however, there are THREE next year (Feb, Mar, Nov). Now, I am not superstitious, but if I saw Jason Voorhees coming towards me, I would probably shat myself, then change my mind!! BUT, in light of all that...

Beware Of The Friday 13th Virus
It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty.

It will give your ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend your new phone number.

It will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank.

It will put a dead aardvark in the back pocket of your good suit pants and hide your car keys when you are late for work.

It will give you nightmares about circus midgets.

It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Discover card.

It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it.

It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

For the ladies: It will leave the toilet seat up. It shaves over your bathroom sink and then leaves the hair to clog your drain. It will drink all your beer and leave dirty socks on the coffee table when company comes over.

It prevents scurvy, but it gives you mega garlic breath as it does so, which makes the net results negative.

It cheats at Scrabble. It can forge your signature.